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How to Relate

Talking to persons who are at risk for suicide about their suicidal feelings will not increase the likelihood of them harming themselves. But, there are some things that you can do or say that can help you to relate to the person with which you are working or interacting.

Do not avoid the topic of suicide (Reference 1).

The reason being:

For suicidal persons, not talking about their thoughts denies their feelings and forces them to cope with these emotions alone without the help of the people and professionals around them. People in crisis need to talk about their problems and their feelings so that they do not feel rejected, ignored, alone, or unheard.

Avoid moralizing (Reference 1).

The reason being:

It is not effective to tell a suicidal person that it is wrong and against God's will to die by suicide or to remind them of their obligations to family and society. The suicidal person already feels tremendous guilt and moral arguments do not help.

Focus on listening, not convincing (Reference 1).

The reason being:

Sometimes people in helping roles can feel hopeless and useless. The natural response to these feeling is for the helper to convince and urge the potentially suicidal person to live. By listening the helper lets the person at risk know that they are being heard and that someone cares about what they say, feel, and do. Trying to convince someone to live might help the helper to feel better, not the person feeling conflict and pain.

Do not challenge or dare a person to kill him or herself by suicide (Reference 1).

The reason being:

Although at times you may feel frustrated with someone who feels hopeless and ignores your efforts, avoid challenges like, “You might as well do it”. These comments are experienced as hostile and mean, and can reinforce the at-risk person's belief that nobody cares.

References for How to relate

Resources

Electronic, print, and multimedia resources are provided to help you to find additional authoritative information on How to relate to a person who is at risk for suicide or having suicidal thoughts. These resources are available from such national organizations as The National Institute of Mental Health as well as professional organizations, not-for-profit organizations, and educational institutions.

Internet

San Francisco Suicide Prevention (SFSP)

SFSP is the oldest volunteer crisis line in the United States. SFSP was founded in 1963 and currently offers both crisis and general counseling services.

SFSP provides information on “Pitfalls: What to Avoid” when interacting with someone who may be at risk for suicide. The SFSP Web page is available at the following Web address:

http://www.sfsuicide.org/html/pitfalls.html

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